Perspective on a Saturday Morning somewhere along the streets in Singapore...

Blessed are we who suffer, for we are the lucky ones.

I was running today in peace that only comes on a weekend morning, running the first 5 miles of my usual weekend 12-miler, and I was struck by something strong enough to pull me out of my blogging silence. I was tired, my body was working hard to keep on the pace I was pushing it, I was trying to push myself, to suffer a bit. As I came up a shallow hill (Singapore standards), I saw another runner approaching, shirt off, running smoothly down the trail ahead of him, not fast but not slow either. He looked to be about mid-50s, healthy, vibrant. When we were nearly to one another I noticed that in his chest, just about his heart, pressing out under the skin was a pacemaker. I went around the corner before I allowed myself a reaction. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I was overwhelmed by one simple thought. Gosh, we're lucky. We runners, we distance runners, endurance athletes, elites and everyone in between. It was one of those moments where I was suddenly filled with graciousness to be able to go out day after day and push myself, work hard and suffer. Here I mean suffering like we do, whether it is the final 5 miles of a 21 miler or like today, running mile 11.5 @ approximately 8/mile hr pace. It is beautiful. That man, whoever he was, was running for his life, literally. And we, each in our own way, are too. Whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally, the things we experience as we plod, sprint, cruise, crawl, bound along seep out into our lives. It changes our lives, it can't not. I carried my body through the streets, with a smile on my face and pushed myself with the joy of someone who at least for a moment, understands suffering and that when it is chosen like this, how much it brings to our lives.

I have been putting a half-hearted effort with the posts lately, so I thought I'd spend a little more than 3 minutes posting something up.

11.5 fairly speedy miles. A happy morning, FINALLY!!

21 miles from 4.18am to 7.17am.
30 laps in the pool to cool off - 1 mile.

I feel comfortably numb. Goodtimes!

Heart of Darkness

Wednesday morning - I have yet to leave. It feels like I am perpetually running into the heart of darkness, and its a feeling I find comforting. I had Joseph Conrad's book in my head all of last night (forgive me, but yes, these are the things that keep me from falling asleep). Someone dear to me left for Africa at a very young age - I mean, who does that?! :-) I still go back and read Conrad since I first read this as an 15 year old. It is alot more nuanced than I gave it credit for, although it still has the ability to transport me into an entirely different world.

Sometimes, it is easier to get lost in a book and see your life through those characters when you dont want to face up to your own reality. Music, can do the same.

I want to run in the middle of the day since I have to go somewhere and dont feel like being stuck in traffic. If you see an odd-looking girl with a super high pony tail and a red backpack wearing a "hug a runner tee-shirt", come say hi! It looks like its going to another scorcher.

6-8 miles today. I lost 2 toe nails the other day. I also am down one white tee shirt that needs replacement - it was soaked in blood after the last run and the area that bled has formed scabs so I dont want to irritate it by running long today.

Chicago

I was in New York this time last year. I was forced indoors and only managed to run 3 miles for 3 weeks. It was a difficult time where running was concerned, but forced lay-offs like that make me love it even more. I remember arriving back to Singapore after my 'vacation' and the first thing I did after my 18hr flight? You guessed it, I went for a run and actually *enjoyed* the humidity. A few months later in January, I registered for the Chicago Marathon. I dont know why, but Chicago is my dream city and it'd be great to run through the city with all those people. The marathon course is beyond beautiful and very flat - you are guaranteed a fast time (although lately the unseasonal Chicago heat has everyone up in arms. It'd be a walk in the park for anyone who trains in the atrocious humidity we have in Singapore!!!!)

I am not running today. It is my day of doing nothing and eating like a normal person without feeling guilty about inactivity. I am not quite sure what this post is about - I was supposed to be in Chicago running the marathon. I was meant to run in New York in November too. Oh well...such is life. Maybe the coming winter in America makes me wish I could experience it too.

It is marathon season for the next 2-3 months. I just need to make sure I'm not stuck at mile 24 anymore.