Running on empty

I have been running - just not logging them in. I have run a 19 miler, rest day, 15 miler, 12 miler, 6, 7 milers between my last blog and this morning. I havent run yet; I will in a few hours because I want to run in the heat.

I would give anything to be dehydrated and drenched in sweat, I want to start too fast and end my run thinking I am going to vomit. It is one of those days when running is the only answer. A run where you go all out and leave everything you have in a sweaty pair of shoes. If shoes could talk, what would they say? Mine would say, "Lose 5lbs please" - heehee, just kidding!

There are a few things I dont blog about. My work and Relationships. I am not allowed to blog about my work. I live in Singapore and work for a National University. Enough said! I do love doing what I do, but I dont want to say anything even candidly that could be taken the wrong way.

And relationships, those tangled webs we weave. I've been with people I have loved and many people I've wondered what the heck I was doing with them. Writing is an escape mechanism that makes me feel better besides running. Running feels good. Thats all that counts in reality, I guess. We dont run for anyone else, we run for ourselves. We might run for our self for a cause in someone else's name, but truly we do it for us.

My relationships are like races. I start out slow, too cautious, go way too fast in the middle and then hope to God I can hold on till the end. Usually, I die at the end and spend the next few days evaluating what I could have done differently. Thats the thing, the majority of our races are not our best ones. But there is always that one race where everything clicks and falls right into place - as someone keeps reminding me "its as if the stars lined up for you Aditi" - where everything just falls into place and the clyinders just click. Relationships-wise, Ive had my share of fast 5k's. The marathons, oh boy, the marathons - they are the ones that hurt the most. As Bill Rogers said "the marathon can humble you". Quite possibly, they hurt the most important muscle you have - the heart. The muscle that helps you take a breath and think a thought. You cant win every marathon, but eventually you can turn that marathon into an ultra you spend the rest of your life training for. You know that person will be at every water stop cheering for you and at every aid station willing you on, and will eventually be waiting for you at the finish line.