Season of sacrifice....

I have been waking up sleepy and drained lately.

It's interesting when you have already expended yourself in other ways - things like work and taking care of life's business, feel like a huge task day in and day out. Additionally, you have to find something in reserve within yourself to complete a workout that is truly beyond your capability in that moment! This has been how I have felt for so many months now.

Sometimes in the middle of my run, I have honestly felt like crying. It has been a long time since I felt brought to tears from running. Occasionally running might release some tears stuck in an emotional holding tank, but rarely do I feel so pathetic during a workout that I want to cry or give up. I mean really give up - not just placate myself with the option of giving up.

Today was one such day. I decided to strap on my weighted backpack and head to the stairs. I honestly did not want to leave my bed and I definitely did not want to have a taxing workout. But I didn't give up. A quiet and tenacious voice spoke to me and told me to take my time, go whatever pace I needed to go, but under no circumstance was I permitted to quit. After 100 or so climbs, I was gasping breaths, like I had been held underwater for almost too long. I wiped my dripping face on my shirt and felt salt on my face again, it looked like smears of gray ash. I dont know why, but I took to it in almost a holy; biblical sense. Ash reminds me of Lent - the season of sacrifice.

Sacrifice. What does it mean to you? Even those people who have no observance of or interest in religious practices can appreciate the timeless, noble act of sacrifice. Maybe it means sucking it up when things hurt and you can't breathe and completing the effort on a day when you don't have what it takes. Maybe it means going to work and supporting your family when your career is in an unfulfilling rut. Maybe it means honoring your marriage even when it doesn't feed your soul the way it used to, right now. Maybe it means taking the time to visit or call your parents or grandparents because it's the right thing to do and it makes them happy. Maybe it means biting your tongue when you feel like lashing out. Maybe it means boldly speaking up when you feel like shutting down. Maybe it means being generous when we feel like hoarding. Maybe it means taking a deep breath in the inevitable periods of frustration and chaos, taking the time to figure out what's really going on, or how a moment can become teachable instead of punitive. Anytime we can acknowledge our selfish desires or feelings of inadequacy with a nod and move beyond them, that is sacrifice.

I dont know why I felt the need to write this. I guess it always helps to arrange thoughts in some sort of coherent manner. And if it somehow resonates with someone else, then its win-win!

500 double repeats, followed by 20 minutes of light weights. My back is healing very very slowly!