All of yesterday, I had the feeling that this date was important. It was a nagging feeling I had all day and it.just.wouldnt.go.away. It wasnt anyone's birthday and I dont really wish people for anything anyway - I didnt get it. Then I got an email from a friend reminding me that it was the first year death anniversary of a mutual friend. Now, let me preface this by saying I did not really know this mutual friend - far more people are deserving of empathetic concern than an acquaintance. But I did know her, and she always joked with me when I initially started running. She usually got back drunk when I left in the morning to get my miles in (and sometimes in the afternoon, and sometimes in the evening...you get my point). She passed away in a car accident. Alcohol was involved.
Now this got me thinking. I am not a saint. Far from one. If my family knew half the stuff I have done, they would be in denial. I've been in a car with someone who has drunk before. Not proud of it. Alot of people have, but at the time we arent really concerned what could happen. It got me thinking of how many I've known or havent known because of careless accidents like this. It isnt worth it, I think. Scratch that, I KNOW it isnt worth it. Sad to say, but it takes little things like these to put your life into perspective. I go over all the decisions I have made in my life, think about my regrets and broken promises, and wonder about the what-ifs. I used to say "expectations lead to disappointments". I had no idea what I was talking about. Expectations are what fuel the future and bring about happiness when fulfilled. Everyone says live your life to the fullest, dont hold back. We all hold back though, some hold on, and others just let go. Thats my zen philosophy for the day.
Running! I decided to do something different today - I felt so yuck after a drink last night (it isnt fair that I hardly tolerate alcohol and when I do - I get sick!!!!) and could.not.sleep. Finally, I knew I would be miserable if I didnt atleast run 10kms but I couldnt bear the thought of the same old route. YAWN! So instead of turning right like I always do, I turned left. I came across a park near my place (about a mile or so away) that I hadnt seen before which is a little steep. Perfect! I ran well and strong and so glad I could go out - a cool but very humid morning. I stopped for 5 minutes to sit down, look at the sky and do a quick prayer - I am so lucky to be able to do something that makes me feel instantly better that doesnt involve anything more than my own body. I left my watch home, no route markers and was back home within 55 minutes (including my pit stop). Not bad at all - I wanted a 10k and more or less got it. However! I feel a scratchy, cruddy throat coming up which is SO annoying!
Anyway, it is a good morning :-)
