I am a list-maker. I think most athletes are. I make lists of lists. Its just one of the many quirks that make me wonderful (and we can all now collectively roll our eyes). As my day started in the pouring rain this early am, I thought of 2 that are of utmost importance.
Number 1. Honesty, honesty, honesty. If we cannot be honest with ourselves then we are doomed to fail from the beginning. There is nothing that can halt progress faster than the inability to be honest with ourselves. As George Costanza says in one episode of Seinfeld "Remember Jerry , its not a lie if you believe it". Well, as sad as that may seem that we can come really close to living exactly like that. I know that I have gone months at a time telling myself that everything was just fine when it was far from the truth. I have been known to justify bad decision after bad decision because of my refusal to take a deep, hard look at the truth of what my life had become.
Number 2. Loss of one self is important too. Not in the terms of Eminem, but in the context of losing yourself to a higher power - whatever that means in the context of your life. I must die everyday so that God can live in me. There is a verse in the Bible that always comes to my mind during times like these and it ends with this: "...For what good is it that a man gains the world, yet loses his soul?" Over the past couple of years, I have been very convicted about the things that I find comfort, fulfillment and safety in. God has been continually tugging at my heart about what real spirituality should look like - "blessed are the poor in spirit" - its the broken, the weak, the lost and the hurting that I should bring my full energies into looking after. What difference am I making if all I care about are my own needs and desires. What kind of of a human being does that make me?
I am continuing to learn that life is not supposed to be about cul-de-sac comfort. This journey is supposed to be uncomfortable. It should hurt. It should pain you and cause you sorrow because you see so much hurt and discomfort around you. This is not a rant directed at anyone else except myself. I long to see my life slip away as the life of something higher than myself takes over who I am.
260 stair sprints
3.1 miles
30 laps in the pool.
I am spent.
