Here is a confession. It has been a strange couple of days. I have been using a different space at work since its close to the library and at the main campus. Outside, the temperature is as usual close to 30 degrees, but the aircon is set to 20 degrees inside, rather cool, which means that the windows here often have mist on them, alot like the buses which have mist on them also.
The last couple of days have also been really lonely, which means I have had quite a bit of time to think about my future. It is beginning to dawn on me, something that I have been putting off for awhile, that I will have to make some real decisions now that will have a real impact upon my life. These are never easy things to think about because they create a kind of nervous tension within, that is to some extent not very healthy.
Thoughts turn to my move away from this city. I would want to leave without any fanfare. In many ways, I have pushed my personal boundaries in this city as far they go. Sometimes I liked what I found, however, more often than not, I have been bitterly dissappointed. I am afraid I will leave this city without the answer to this burning question that I cannot answer - "What type of life do I want?" I am torn between the ordinary and the interesting. Meaning, should I continue to chase my dreams or should I settle for a secure stable life. I guess this issue has haunted me my entire life. However, the last year has cleared away everything, and left me with a quandry.
I ran 3.5 miles at 1:30am - dont ask! Happy Sunday all!
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