A long way back home.

Life is an endless search for a place to belong. For me, I am constantly searching for stability. Outwardly, yes I have had it - had it better than most people. However, I also carry with me an enormous insecurity - what would happen if I lost it all? I have always wanted to create a world of my own no matter where home was at that moment. This meant having little idiosyncracies, little routines in every city that I have lived in. I have never felt a sense of belonging; it has been a homelessness, a nomadic lifestyle, which I think I am pretty sick of at the moment. I just want to stay put in one place and never leave!!

It has taken me over a decade to feel comfortable in this city. The neverending stares do not impact me as much. Perhaps because underneath the sanitized veneer of Singapore lies a lack of trust that seems to pervade this society. Or perhaps those neverending glares at the weird-not-quite-Indian-not-quite-Ang Moh girl walking by, have subvertly invaded my consciousness, and has caused an anxiety that will not allow me to fully relax anywhere. Whatever it may be. I am certain of this - I am *just* about comfortable in my own skin here.

The reason I am so committed to running, as silly as it sounds, is because it has been the only constant in my life - the one thing that has never left or been kicked out :-)

P.S. One of the simple joys in my life has been to have Jalebis by the roadside in Chandni Chowk. I have here the next best thing - the last batch of some my mother brought back from her travels. I just had a few (10) with a glass of milk. This is where I belong - its amazing how the taste of something so simple can take me back to the India of my childhood (it also proves just how potent food memories can be). Thanks mum!

12 easy am miles. This is by far my favorite distance - satisfies the need for speed and distance. I got it over and done with quickly because it was *SO* hot (sorry, I have been whining too much about the weather lately). 95 minutes!! 15 minutes loitering around trying to dry off.
3-4 easy miles this pm.